So, its almost 1:00AM and I am just
starting my 2nd wind. This means folks,
that I will be up until AT LEAST 3am...
why do I do this to myself.?!
It is quiet in the house.
I like the peace, and the
freedom to do as I please,
but it is late at night that makes me lonely.
Although there is a ZOO in my bed
2 dogs and 1 kitty) there's something missing.
the house is empty, and so are my sheets.
I can see an indentation,
but it's only in my dreams...
so I'll be here, with my animals,
alone tonight,
alone tomorrow night.
I just cant sleep some nights.
I know why...but you'd think after
8 months of trying to deal I'd be able
to sleep but no...not yet...maybe not ever...
BUT, things have been progressing quite well.
Although, i still feel in the middle.
I feel loved, yet pushed away at the same time.
I feel so close yet so far.
Some days i can foresee a future,
other days i can see myself being
pushed to the "dream" section.
Some days i feel the utmost respect, other days,
I feel like I'm being forced out of mind
by personal convincing
(or lying to ones self to push me out of hope).
But it's ok ,
it's only the closest I've ever been
to finding the one.
It's only the closest I've been
to having my dads approval.
It's only the closest I've been
to seeing reality and satisfaction at the same time.
It's only the most frustrated I've ever been.
Like vertical horizon sings
"its ok, you're only the best i ever had..."
I've got approvals all around,
now I just need the freedom.
I'd go...I really would. It would be amazing.
I am honored that I even have the chance of going!
No new news really...
just thoughts on the brain late at night!
Although, when are there NOT thoughts on my brain.
In a few days here,
I'll post my new years resolutions!
So i have a question for anyone
who reads this:
let's say you are naturally a nice
(or even naturally a mean) person.
Someone tells you
"you are too nice...(or mean)".
Should you work on being more mean (or more nice),
in order to compensate for your extremity.
Or should you be yourself in all
situations and be overly nice,
or overly mean?
An example is this;
at work, someone who is too nice,
will get walked on and
sometimes even used...
should this person act "out of self"
and be more mean in order to not
get walked all over?
Or should they continue to be their
"nice" self in all situations and just
deal with being used,
or being walked on?
Please someone tell me what you think!...
On a scale of -5 to +5...
it always seems to fluctuate like
a roller coaster...
sometimes its +4,
and a couple hours later it could be a -3...
but overall it usually averages out to be +3...
some situations drag it down, or lift it up.
time to do the midnight laundry...
another question for the small crowd...
how do you distinguish love?
If you think it...
is it so?
If you feel it, how long before it is confirmed?
How does one know when
love is present between two people?
cya!
Lyrics Written by LRE
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